From Resolutions to Rituals

By Juliana Mott Fabio, LCSW

As the new year approaches, many people find themselves thinking about resolutions—what they want to change, improve, or finally accomplish. I genuinely believe there is value in wanting to bring healthier habits into our lives. Wanting growth, ease, or alignment is a very human impulse. But I also see, both personally and professionally, how quickly traditional New Year’s resolutions can become sources of pressure, disappointment, or self-criticism.

One of the reasons resolutions so often fail is that they focus on the end product rather than the process. A goal is the outcome—lose weight, run a marathon, feel less stressed, save money. But a habit is how you get there. And in most areas of life, there is no true finish line—only an ongoing process of tending, adjusting, and recommitting.

This is why I prefer thinking in terms of habits rather than goals. Habits are about how you live, not what you achieve.

To continue doing anything meaningful—whether it’s movement, emotional regulation, financial stability, or connection—you have to invest in the process regularly. There are no shortcuts. And there is no single moment where you “arrive” and are done.

One of my favorite voices in this area is James Clear, author of Atomic Habits. I often recommend his work because it aligns so well with what we know clinically about behavior change. His concept of improving just 1% each day is both realistic and compassionate. Most of the things we want to add, subtract, or shift in our lives are not achieved in a day—and they are rarely visible right away.

You don’t see the results of a workout after your first trip to the gym. You don’t build financial freedom without slowly saving over time. You don’t feel emotionally regulated after one deep breath or one therapy session. Change happens quietly, beneath the surface, through repetition and consistency.

From a nervous system perspective, small changes are also safer. When we try to overhaul our lives all at once, the body often responds with resistance, burnout, or avoidance. But when changes are gradual and predictable, the system can adapt. Habits become familiar. Familiar becomes sustainable.

This is why embracing small daily actions matters so much. A short walk. Five minutes of stretching. Packing lunch the night before. Turning your phone off ten minutes earlier. These actions may not feel impressive, but they are powerful because they are repeatable.

Equally important is finding a way to enjoy the process. If a habit feels punishing, rigid, or joyless, it likely won’t last. Sustainable change usually includes some element of pleasure, meaning, or ease. This doesn’t mean it will always feel good—but it does mean it should feel aligned with who you are and the life you want to build.

As a therapist, I often remind clients that most of life is not about reaching a final destination. It’s about learning how to live well inside the process. Habits are not about perfection or control; they are about care, commitment, and compassion toward yourself over time.

So as the new year approaches, you might consider asking different questions:What small habit could support me right now?What feels realistic to return to again and again?How can I make this process something I don’t dread?

Growth does not happen in dramatic leaps. It happens through quiet consistency. One small step, repeated over time, has the power to change far more than a bold resolution ever could.