Learning to Say Goodbye: Endings as a Meaningful Part of Healing

By Juliana Mott Fabio, LCSW

For a long time, goodbyes were something I tried to avoid. When I was younger, I often left jobs, relationships, and even places abruptly—sometimes without saying anything at all, sometimes at the last minute, and often in ways that felt awkward or unfinished. At the time, it wasn’t intentional or unkind. It was protective.

I was afraid of goodbyes. Afraid I would be overwhelmed by sadness. Afraid I might be swayed to stay in situations that no longer felt right for me. Afraid of the emotional weight that comes with naming an ending. So instead, I slipped out quietly, telling myself it was easier that way.

Over time—and through my own personal experiences with loss, transition, and life—I’ve come to understand that how we leave matters just as much as how we arrive. Endings deserve care.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned to tell people when I am leaving a situation with enough time for it to be felt and processed. I no longer disappear. I give space for conversations, emotions, and reflection. I also make a point to express appreciation—to say what mattered, what was meaningful, and what I’m grateful for. This doesn’t erase the difficulty of an ending, but it helps soften it.

In my work as a therapist, I see how unspoken or rushed goodbyes can linger. When endings are abrupt or unclear, they often leave behind confusion, self-blame, and unresolved grief. The nervous system struggles with ambiguity. Closure doesn’t mean everything feels resolved—it means the ending has been acknowledged.

One of the most meaningful shifts for me has been changing how I think about endings altogether. I used to believe that if I no longer fit in a job, a relationship, or a place, something must be wrong—either with me or with the other person. Endings felt like failures. Now, I understand them as transitions between seasons.

A few years ago, Esther Perel spoke in my town and said something that deeply stayed with me. She questioned why we call a 20-year marriage that ends in divorce a failure. She suggested that perhaps it was a relationship that was meaningful, even beautiful, for that period of time—and that its ending doesn’t negate its value. At the time, I was going through a divorce myself, and her words landed in a way that felt both validating and freeing.

That idea reshaped how I view endings. Not everything is meant to last forever. Some relationships, jobs, and chapters of life are meant for a season. When they end, it doesn’t mean they were mistakes. It means they have completed what they came to teach or offer.

Saying goodbye in a healing way doesn’t mean staying longer than you should or minimizing your own needs. It means allowing an ending to be named with honesty and care. It means offering appreciation where it’s genuine, setting boundaries where they’re needed, and giving yourself permission to move forward without rewriting the past as a failure.

Goodbyes can still be sad. They can still be tender. But they don’t have to be abrupt, shaming, or unresolved. When we allow ourselves to say goodbye with intention, we create space for integration rather than avoidance.

In many ways, learning how to say goodbye is part of learning how to live well. It honors what was, acknowledges what is no longer working, and opens the door to what comes next. Endings, when tended to gently, become part of our healing rather than something we carry unfinished.