Some Encouraging Words

by Juliana Mott Fabio, LCSW

I recently spoke with someone who had made the difficult decision to leave a job she had worked very hard to get. It was not the outcome she had hoped for, and she was understandably upset that things had reached the point where leaving felt necessary. What stayed with me, though, was the way she prepared herself for the conversation with her employer.

Before the day came, she reached out to a few close friends and asked if they would send her some words of encouragement that morning. They did. She told me that reading their messages before having the conversation helped her feel calmer, more confident, and less alone. I loved this.

So often, when we are facing something difficult, we assume we have to gather all of our strength from within. We tell ourselves to be brave, hold it together, and get through it. Sometimes we do not even think to ask for support because the situation feels like something we are supposed to handle on our own. But support does not always have to mean someone fixing the problem or giving us advice. Sometimes it can be as simple as saying, “I have something hard to do tomorrow. Would you send me a few encouraging words in the morning?” There is something powerful about knowing that someone else is thinking of us when we are walking into a difficult moment.

In therapy, I often talk with people who are moving through grief, change, uncertainty, relationship struggles, or major life transitions. One of the things I have learned, both personally and professionally, is that resilience does not necessarily mean doing everything alone. Sometimes resilience looks like knowing when to reach toward someone else. We are wired for connection. A reassuring text, a phone call, a friend sitting beside us, or simply knowing someone is holding us in mind can help our nervous system settle enough for us to move through something difficult with a little more steadiness.

I thought this woman’s idea was such a beautiful and practical example of asking for what she needed. She did not ask her friends to solve the problem. She simply invited them to stand beside her, in a small way, while she did something hard.

Maybe the next time you are facing a difficult conversation, appointment, decision, or transition, you might consider asking someone you trust to check in with you beforehand.

You do not always have to carry the hard things alone.